The power within

I'm often baffled by the statement "women are such complex beings" simply because it places ALL women into one category, totally disregarding our individual preferences, personalities and cognition. I'm yet to encounter  an individual that sees women as free-spirited beings who encompass individual autonomy and are easy to read, which makes them "more accessible beings". To be fair, I probably have come across such people (particularly men), but nobody dares to out-rightly claim that the female species is simple and clear-cut, because chances are, they have had a counter-experience.

In my view, women are not complex beings. Not at all. Self-governance, self-reassurance and control over our feelings is what we hold dear to us, or at least yearn to possess. Before we can convince anybody that we are great, there has to be a part of us that vividly believes it first, even if it that may  take us yonks to establish. Every woman wants to feel powerful in their own territory, before they immerse themselves in any other person's.

Now this may seem like a concept that coincides with both men and women, or any other sexual orientation. With women, it tends to be a more delicate and intrinsic part of who we perceive ourselves to be, how others perceive us, and what society deems or expects  us to be. We are constantly trying to subjugate societal norms and stereotypes, that label us as beings that just need to be understood, loved and appreciated, because biologically we are tender, fragile beings, that need to be nurtured in order to build successful homes because "a happy wife equals a happy home".

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie suggests that  women should never see marriage as an achievement. This statement could not resonate with me any better. We are constantly taught to aspire to marriage or some sort of commitment, even when our parents enrolled us at the most powerful institutions, the end goal has to be marriage, and marriage to an equally successful and affluent being. The moment we (women) try to channel an alternative view of the "ultimate life", we are deemed as disrespectful and unruly beings, and to men, we are too career orientated therefore making us incapable of building a successful home.

It then goes without saying that women are viewed as "complex" because of acquired capabilities that men never saw us to ever possess. Our quiet confidence that can be mistaken for arrogance. Our work ethic that places us in the same playing field as men.

And maybe yes we are complex, because we not only desire true, honest love from our counterparts, but we also want to feel powerful within ourselves and to be able to hold our own, without a man being credited for it.

Kholeka Majola